My girlfriend and I are always arguing .
Question. My girlfriend and I are always arguing. she says I do not listen to her.
All I hear is her complaining. I try to help her fix her problems, but she still complains and even complains about my trying to help her. She says I don't listen.
OK, I get this one from a LOT of guys in my free psychic question email.
The answer is quite simple actually.
Listen to her and do not argue with her but make her feel acknowledged and heard.
If you argue with her, even if you feel she is wrong, you will get nowhere. This is about feelings, not the facts as you see them to be. Understand how things you do and say make her feel. Then CALMLY tell her how things she say and do make you feel, but be sure to keep the tone of your voice calm when you do, even if she raises her voice.
Women need to feel they are being acknowledged and understood. Some times all you have to do is listen, not try to fix or control the problem, but just listen.
Just listening and acknowledging how she is feeling is all it takes. It can improve your relationship in a way that borders on being downright magical..
You see, when women complain they just want to vent and FEEL as if you are sympathizing with her. When men hear women complain they perceive it as something they need to fix, so they give advice. Women don't want advice they just want to be heard and feel as if they are getting some empathy. when men try to fix their problem with advice only to be told that they are "not listening" they become frustrated and tune the women out.
This only makes matters worse. I had a male friend who was very successful with women even though he was definitely not rich, or tall and while good looking, not with movie star looks. When we would talk I felt so understood, so happy that a man finally "got me" He would listen to me "vent" and then repeat back to me some of the things I said to him. I feel deeply in love with him, so did a lot of other women. Upset a lot of guys who had so much going for them that this guy got all the girls.
One day after a particularly emotional " venting session" on my part in which he repeated back to me some of my concerns back to me. I was astounded that he had paid so much attention to my woes, so I asked him " how can you remember all these things I have said"? His answer was amazingly simple, "I listen to the words where your voice stresses and remember those words, then I repeat those words back to you and well, you believe that I have listened to, and understood, everything you were saying".
I could not help but laugh at his honesty. We have been good friends for years now and women still love him..
The point here guys is that if you just appear to listen to her and repeat a few words back to her such as " I understand that you are upset by....... That must be terribly stressful" You will win mega points and avoid a lot of arguments..
Only help her if she ASKS for help or if you see she is going to suffer property or financial loss if you do not. fixing the sink, car or anything in her home is OK and always appreciated Listening to her woes at work without offering advice will win you even more points...
You can ask Joan Marie Lawson questions about your communication issues with your girlfriend in your free psychic reading email.