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The Science and Mysticism of Love

I cannot count how many times people asked me" where is my soulmate, when am I going to find love?"  Yet the real question from a psychic's point of view is not about when but about how. Not only that, but once you have found love, how to keep it intact.This is a very complex issue as men and women are very different in the way they think and the way they approach relationships. Hence, misunderstandings are frequent as are disappointments.

When two people come together and feel a sense  of great chemistry, it is like a magnet that pulls you together with an almost irresistible  sense of euphoria. This is what creates the initial connection to soul, energy and brain chemistry. People can become addicted to each other which is nature's way of keeping couples together so that families will be created.

The issues arise when expectations come to play. Women are biologically created to want security. Man has evolved as a hunter to go out pursue, achieve, and bring back his prize. This is a big part of his mental makeup. So sometimes he does not always have time to meet the woman's expectations of nurturing, love, sex and affection. Because he, being that male who has the hunter instinct, is out trying to achieve, fix, win or create something as evolution has taught him to do so as a man. For a man, choosing a mate means choosing one who can support him in his efforts to be the best possible man he can be. He needs to feel appreciated, respected and supported by his partner. Women on the other hand need to feel loved and valued. She needs reassurance that he is thinking of her, giving her his time, expresing to her that he values her.

Relationships have a way of running in cycles the first is the honeymoon phase where you become attached. This usually lasts about three months. Then comes the questioning phase where one starts to see the little flaws and wonders if this relationship is the right one for them. If the relationship last through the third month it can go smoothly if it passes through the power struggle phase that often happens between the fourth and sixth month of the relationship.

The power struggle phase is where a couple learns how to  either work together on those issues where one may want something that another does not.Or when one misunderstands the wan ts and needs of their partner. This is where the arguments begin. And here is where all the attachments, all the psychic cords that  are now connecting the two of you, and all of the love chemicals in your brain that make you feel so  happy in the good moments, can make you miserable if you don't learn how to communicate your wants, desires, disappointments and expectations in a healthy manner. For if you do not, and chaos ensues  the same intensity of joy and happiness you felt in the beginning of the relationship can rapidly turn to pain.

Women often become confused when the man puts his achievements as a priority over her need to feel validated and listen to, because often  women simply need someone to vent to, to make them fill validated. The problem often arises when men simply perceive this is as whining. So  they try to fix it. Hence the drama begins. She will say he is not listening to her. He willl  become frustrated because he is trying to resolve her issue but for some reason he feels she will not let him and he percieves her emoting as chronic complaining. This has led to many conflicts between couples that have left them both completely confused.

Women often become dissapointed because they want a man who will be with her all the time, making plans with her, while the man is out making plans of his own, sometimes focused on his achievments, which he expects the woman to be proud of once he has acomplished his goals and returned to her. When the woman complains that he is "not there for her enlough" the man often becomes mystified. In his mind he does not understand why she does not appreciate all he does to make a better life, to reach his goals. And unfortunately, if the woman complains too much, he will pull away and find activities and entertainment elsewhere away from her whining. Whereas the woman, if she feels she is not getting the attention she needs, may also find it elsewhere. As nothing hurts a woman quite so much as being consistantly left alone by her man without the comunication of making plans that are kept.The resolution in this situation is for a woman to have her own social life apart from her lover, so she has companionship, and for the man to learn to communicate his plans in advance. For some this would just make comon sense, but you would be suprised how many times I have heard and expeienced the former and how it led to the end of the relationship.

So here is  where I offer you a solid bit of wisdom when it comes to those bumps in the road and an argument is about to ensue. First of all, always watch the tone of your voice. Even if your partner is screaming at the top of theirs, lower your voice to a gentler level. You'll be amazed how easily this calms the situation down. Secondly, calmly and gently use feeling  phrases. Say things such as "this makes me feel unappreciated"  or this makes me "feel as if my wants and needs are not being taken into account." Always  make sure your partner knows that you still care about them, and validate their want and desires by admitting that they may have reasons for wanting their way as well. Relationships are all about compromise and compromise is an artform in itself.

Never use insulting phrases or put down your partner. Remember, people don't always remember what you say, but they will always remember how you  made them feel. Relationships are about working together as partners and supporting one another. When disagreements ensue and they always do,  learning how to argue in a fair and compassionate way can often strengthen a relationship and builds a stronger bond between the two of you. Understanding and continuing to show love and support during times of difficulty is what creates healthy relationships.

And lastly, most importantly, love is about how you make someone FEEL. Be gentle with your lovers emotions. If they can recriprocate and show how they value you and the relationship,even when you disagree, well then you have found a keeper.




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