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Elementor #590

Here is a question I see often in my free Psychic Reading Email

Q
My boyfriend and I recently broke up because he said didn’t feel he was in love with me anymore and didn’t see a long term future together. We have still being seeing each other occasionally and he is still very loving and affectionate towards me.We are still having sex. Does he think he has made a mistake and will he change his mind about us? Please give me your psychic advice as to what I should do.

Answer:

ere is the thing. You must change something in the dynamic of the relationship for him to love you. You have been giving, accommodating and basically doing everything you could to make him love you. It did not work. Now I suggest that you hide your true feelings and become more of a challenge to him. Start to think about what is right for YOU. Start to do things on your own without him and let him know about it when he calls you. Do not call him or appear to chase, pursue, or in any other way seek out contact or his companionship first. Wait for him to call or text you.
He wants the thrill of feeling he is chasing a woman. He does not have to chase you, he knows he has you so his male instinct of the excitement of pursuit is not being triggered. There is no mystery, no challenge, no excitement in it for him anymore.

He knows he can have sex with you any time he wants so he will. But this will not make him love you. He will simply use you for sex. You must change this dynamic in your relationship with him if you do not want to end up as just a “friend with benefits”
You CAN have him, but not if you keep doing thing they way you have been. The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results.

If you appear to have more of a life without him, are doing something interesting on your own, something that may make you more interesting to other men, ( and other people) you have just upped your social value and your relationship value. He really does want someone that other men want, as jealousy is often a good thing:) A woman who has her own thing and is not “needy” towards him is more exciting to a man. A woman who has a stronger social circle is more desirable, this is an instinctive thing as humans are pack orientated. We are a social species as our survival was traditionally dependent on the strength of the tribe. If you are entirely dependent on him for companionship you have less value on the instinctual “tribal” level.

You must stop having sex with him. Chances are if you do he will try harder to BE with you as he likes the challenge. If he does not, then it is time to let go. He does not respect you and never will.

So go out and get involved in a project that makes you some new friends. It will make you a more interesting person to all the men in your life.

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I told him I was giving him some space until he is ready to commit

.We have all been at “thet place” where you were ready for a commitment and h claimed he was not. “Why ruin a good thing?” or “I am just nor ready for a serious relationship?” After dating for 7 months…. Often you will find he is dating another girl while he is also dating you and says “But we are not in a relationship!” after you been having sex with him for a period of months. So here are some ways to change his attitude towards you and relationships to have him come rushing back to you to accept  committing a serious, exclusive relationships.

He will  most likely try and contact you to see if you are open to the past arrangement but still on his terms.

When you do communicate do not ask him if he is ready to commit. Do not mention the relationship at all, simply make small talk about what he is doing in his life and what you are doing in yours. Talk about accomplishments at work etc. But when brings up “hanging out” Then stick to your gunns and let him know that you are not involving yourself with him in that way unless he is wiling to commit to an exclusive relationship with a potential future. He is likely to either get off the phone quickly, say again that he is “not ready for  relationship” or say he misses you and perhaps you can talk about it. But do not expect the latter on first contact. 

He needs to feel safe in communication with you and not guilty nor feel any pressure unless he is asking to meet you. again.  This way he will remember how comfortable it was to talk to you and he will start to miss you.
From there, do not expect him to request to see you, right away, this will take time.
You must actually put yourself in the mindset that you will move on and start dating in a couple of months. The logic behind this is that if he senses that you are moving on and that he might loose you for good, he will have to be ready to commit to get you back.

If he does not and tried to make things the “way they were” without a commitment, state your case clearly and refuse to become intimate with him, walk away until he does commit.

You must not seem needy or desperate in any way. He will love you when he feels that he has to pursue you.

Ofetn, men pulled back when the dynamic of the relationship is that you appear to be pursuing him. No matter how subtle, it was there and that is what usually creates the pull back on his part.

Now he must envision that you will meet men who find you attractive, even though this will be difficult for you, if you want him back you must gear up to play the part.
While you are away from him you might want to do some on line dating even though your heart may not be into it. This is because you MUST keep yourself busy and find your self worth, that other men do in fact find you attractive and project that to him when you speak.

If he was ever serious about you, he is still going to talk to you, even if you start to date, probably more. (unless he is a mamas boy, then he will just run back to mom)
It is the thought that you will move on and value yourself enough that you will not keep waiting for him forever that will spur his decision to commit to you.

It generally takes three to five months before he comes back, if you play it right. but you must not call, text or email him first. He MUST be the one to make initial contact every time. This can be maddening, but it must be for this to work.
The dynamic of this relationship must change and you have made the right moves to change it so far.

There is a lot of hope here, but you must play the part if you are to win this game.
I have gone through these things with many women and I have a really good track record of success. You CAN have this guy back!!!!! But you must stick to your guns.
It is going to be painful but if you are firm in your resolve, you stand a very good chance of winning him back and with a solid commitment.

He needs time to miss you, to realize that he could loose you ,to see that you value yourself enough to feel you deserve to be treated with respect. He needs to respect you and he will, after he has distanced himself and realized that he really misses you…

He needs to live with the thought that you will be with another man if he does not step up. He occasionally needs to be reminded of the good times when you talk ( he will contact you when he really misses you) and how pleasant it is to talk to you.
He needs time to suffer without you. Even if he is with another woman. He will feel the ned to chase you not her because you pulled away.
That is what it will take for him to come back to you.
The hard part is not doing anything and that is what I am going to suggest until he contacts you. Then be pleasant, display humor and warmth about the past and remind him of the good times. Then let him know about your NEW social life without mentioning dates  until the second call unless he asks.
Talk about the things you are doing to keep busy. Do not talk about dating right away, just that you have been having fun. Give it about two months before you talk to him about dating and be prepared to hear his dating stories as well. He will call your bluff, but if he were ever to commit to you he will. If he has not within five months, he never intended to and never will.

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Why is it so difficult to breakup?

Even when a relationship is bad it can be hard to let go. I get a LOT of questions about how to deal with breakups in my free psychic question, free psychic reading email.

The issues are twofold. First, nature created a chemical attachment to our partners so we are literally “addicted” to our them. Tise is so we will still feel responsible to the person who before birth control, would be the parent and provider to our children, hence encouraging the health and well being of families. The second is that we have connection through our life force , Or Chi, or energy bodies that makes us ” feel them” even when they are not around. I find that this is often stronger in women although men however, do feel it. They are just sometimes less in tune with their emotions.

Never fear women, there is a way to connect to your ex using this life force and his emotions ( if you want him back) and because he is often an emotional idiot , he will be even more acceptable.


Everyone feels depressed and low after a breakup. Especially if it was a long term relationship that you were placing your hopes of the future on.

It makes you sad, causes you to have trouble sleeping, can make you feel tight in the chest, as if you sometimes have trouble breathing. What is worse is your friends don’t understand what you are going through and just want you to “get over it” which is not something that you are going to do easily, if at all so soon after the breakup.

You are emotionally and intuitively, connected to this person and it creates a painful, physical reaction. You have had your love ripped away from you and your heart aches, your gut hurts, you keep having dreams about them and you cannot, no matter how hard you try, get them out of your head.
The good news is if you are wanting to find ways to stop the pain, there are products that can help.

If you are not into taking prescription medications there is a product called “Relax All” That can relax you to help you get over the stress and bring on sleep. I also find that Ashwaganda is great for calming the nerves and raising the spirits during this time..

You may be able to find online or in a health food or herb store and it does really help. So does a product called SAMEE that you might be able to get in the grocery market or health food store.

Relax All helps with the onset of fear of loss and the stress, and tightness in your chest as well as the sleep issues that come with a breakup. SAMEE helps your brain to start making serotonin, or the happy chemical that you are not getting now. It is a natural and safe antidepressant. I suggest that you take it in the AM, on an empty stomach, 30 minutes before breakfast.

If you are only going to get one , I would recommend the “relax all”. It is pretty potent. Can make you loopy or give you a buzz if you take enough:) But Ashwaganda is also really good at relaxing the nerves and lifting your spirit, which as we all know is an serious issue if going through a breakup from a long term love.

Even if you have decided that this person is bad for you and you really want to get away from them, it can be difficult to remove them from your spirit and memory. I find that often the best way is to find new activities in which you can go out and make new friends. Social interaction my be difficult immediately after the breakup, but if you have come to terms with the idea that you really do not want to reunite with this person, then finding new social circles really helps. It can give you the realization that you can find someone who has something in common with you and, well it gives you new people to connect to to fill that “hole” in your life and heart …

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When your man pulls away

Sometimes when a guys loves you, he still has issues with having his wings clipped.
It is the old push/ pull of wanting you to be there for him, but not wanting to make a commitment.
Women often find this extremely confusing and do not know how to handle it.
They do not realize that men’s emotions don’t process in they same way because their brains work differently. They feel that have to be psychic to understand him.
So far too often the unfortunate female makes the fatal mistake of trying to reassure the man that she does in fact care for him, hence causing him to pull away further.

So what to do when your guys pulls away?

..

Psychics can help you with this, but I also have some practical advice in this situation that works 99% of the time.
Not to worry, When he pulls away all you have to do is give him his space. Do NOT chase him in any way. Do not text, call or email him. He needs time to process his emotions and realize he misses you. If you do not give him this space, he will consider you needy and demanding ( despite all your best intentions to “reassure” him that you care for him) and he will NOT have time to misses you, hence he will not fall in love with you.

You see, when he feels himself missing you and then worrying that he may have los t you, he will come running back. I say this because I have sen this happen over and over ( and over) agian. If you have made the mistake of persueing him in the past and he has distanced more, only to have you bring him back with sex, but he still will not commit to you, wait for one of his pull backs. When this happens, if you play it right, he will come back , humbled by his own attachment to you and he can be all yours. IF you have stood up for yourself by not waiting him out, getting on with your life and made him SCHEDULE time with you rather than being available at his first whim.
If you are too available, if he does not have to work for your attention, he will not respect you.
Men actually WANT to have to work for and earn your attention. They will tell you they do not like to “play games” but I have never seen a man who respected any woman who was too easily available to him. There was always a pull back and how he reacted to her depended on how she handles his pulling back.
Remember, it is a mans instinct to chase the girls. However, he never wants the ones who chase him. So do not pursue. How do you get him to pursue. Well that depends on the type of man he is and what his tastes are. You can learn more about your guy by asking Joan a free psychic Question

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