Question.
I reunited with an old love. We had been apart 18 yrs. I came to Florida for a visit and looked him up. Then I went back north. We stayed in touch until I moved here last year. It started great, then it has gone back and forth. Mostly because of him pulling away, or snapping at and being critical of me. Sometimes he just becomes irate and pushes me away.The past 18 months have not been easy. Recently he has been trying and I also see more effort with him wanting to spend more time with me. I noticed the change when a month ago I told him I can not keep up the way it is. We are so good when together, we connect in many ways. I love him deeply.
What do I do to make things better?
Answer.
Just give him a little space. He is in love with you but his male instincts and his mental makeup are different than what you think it “should be”.
Sometimes he pulls away and you must give him space when he does. Sometimes he is just plain difficult and it is important to give him space for the sake of both of your sanity.
I know you want him to be with you more often, but he becomes frightened when he feels “cornered” or and needs to have a bit of time away from you to process his emotions. This is not a bad thing.
I do see a strong potential of this relationship working out but you must be the one to change a simple dynamic with the way you interact and communicate. He is not emotionally attuned so he does not know why he reacts the way he does.
You will need to be the one to read his moods and react accordingly. Sometimes a simple retreat ( and quite) is what works the best. Instead of complaining, just give it a bit of space.
When a man hears a woman complain, all he hears is that she thinks he is bad. He tunes out what she is saying due to the tone of her voice. You must learn to speak in a gentle tone of voice when you absolutely must set your boundaries and he will react in a more positive way. Remember sugar is what he wants and if you give to him in your voice he will want to work a bit harder to make you happy.
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