When your man pulls away

Sometimes when a guys loves you, he still has issues with having his wings clipped.
It is the old push/ pull of wanting you to be there for him, but not wanting to make a commitment.
Women often find this extremely confusing and do not know how to handle it.
They do not realize that men’s emotions don’t process in they same way because their brains work differently. They feel that have to be psychic to understand him.
So far too often the unfortunate female makes the fatal mistake of trying to reassure the man that she does in fact care for him, hence causing him to pull away further.

So what to do when your guys pulls away?

Psychics can help you with this, but I also have some practical advice in this situation that works 99% of the time.
Not to worry, When he pulls away all you have to do is give him his space. Do NOT chase him in any way. Do not text, call or email him. He needs time to process his emotions and realize he misses you. If you do not give him this space, he will consider you needy and demanding ( despite all your best intentions to “reassure” him that you care for him) and he will NOT have time to misses you, hence he will not fall in love with you.

You see, when he feels himself missing you and then worrying that he may have los t you, he will come running back. I say this because I have sen this happen over and over ( and over) agian. If you have made the mistake of persueing him in the past and he has distanced more, only to have you bring him back with sex, but he still will not commit to you, wait for one of his pull backs. When this happens, if you play it right, he will come back , humbled by his own attachment to you and he can be all yours. IF you have stood up for yourself by not waiting him out, getting on with your life and made him SCHEDULE time with you rather than being available at his first whim.
If you are too available, if he does not have to work for your attention, he will not respect you.
Men actually WANT to have to work for and earn your attention. They will tell you they do not like to “play games” but I have never seen a man who respected any woman who was too easily available to him. There was always a pull back and how he reacted to her depended on how she handles his pulling back.
Remember, it is a mans instinct to chase the girls. However, he never wants the ones who chase him. So do not pursue. How do you get him to pursue. Well that depends on the type of man he is and what his tastes are. You can learn more about your guy by asking Joan a free psychic Question.


How do I get a guy to notice me?

This is a common one in my free psychic Question Email

There is a man I feel overwhelmingly connected to – even though he
does not know who I am.
I have had VERY vivid dreams about him/us and I feel so strong for
him, like in my bones..
If there is potential for a future relationship, what should I do to
get in contact with him, in what context/scenario would it play out?

OK, you like the guy, you have seen him from a distance but he has not approached you and you are not sure that working up the courage to talk to him is a good idea.
So here is what you do to get this attention.
Find a way to be in his direct line of view, make eye contact with him and smile for three seconds and the look away as if you are shy. Toss your head, or your hair, look away then look back and play with your hair, smile and then look away again.
If he is interested and available he will get the message.
This also works in night clubs and other public places.
The point here is that guys are afraid of rejection too. So you must give him some non verbal signal that you are open to his approach.
Many women are shy and do not know how to encourage a guy, but if you want to be approached, you must show open body language and be willing to make eye contact.
I one had a girlfriend who was incredibly and naturally beautiful. However, she had trouble attracting men. when I suggested that she make eye contact she was so violently opposed to the idea that I gave up. The point that good looks are not as important as making a guy feel comfortable in approaching you by displaying the proper body language.

If you are wondering if your crush is ready to approach you, ask Joan in your free psychic reading email.


The danger in rebound relationships

Q I started dating a guy who just got out of a long term relationship. We have sex and it is great, but he tells me he isn’t ready to be in a relationship right now. He says he has a lot on his mind right now and needs to be free for awhile… I love him so much and I am just confused on what to do because we are sexual attracted and we talk almost everyday. i just need some advice please.

When people go through breakups, even if it they were in the relationship for a short time, they need time to heal. If they jump into a relationship right away it becomes a rebound and it never works out.
Men are often open to have sexual relationships, even when they are not emotionally ready to have a real romantic relationship. Their brains do not work the same way as a woman’s does, so they feel that sex is just a “bit of fun” and that do not understand why we can’t do ti without getting emotionally attached… Problem is that women DO become
emotionally attached through sex. Nature made us this way to keep families together…

A man will try to have sex to get his mind off his ex. The problem is that he has not quite healed, so he is still thinking of her and not ready to attach to you.. No matter how bad the relationship was, he needs to detox so he does not carry all his hurt and anger on to you…. I highly recommend NOT having a sexual relationship with a man who has not been away from his ex for at least five months, after his last long term relationship has ended… Like anything else emotional wounds time time to heal.. Often much longer than physical wounds..
Unfortunately, if you do not give him the space he needs to heal from his breakup you will loose him.. He has told you straight out the he is not ready . You must respect that or he will pull away and you will not have a relationship with him at all as he will see you as needy and emotionally immature.. If you need a way to determine if he is ready a psychic reading can help..
If he is being mature and telling you what he needs right now. You must not persist or you will appear immature and you will loose him. If you put your feelings aside and give him the space he needs he can be yours in the long run.. If you give him a shoulder to lan on without having sex with him, you have a good chance of building a friendship with him that can lead to more, as long as you give him tie to heal and allow him to approach you for a relationship in his own time.. to find out if he is ready, as a free psychic question.


Where is my Soulmate?

You will not like this answer, but I do not believe in soul mates. The story of soul-mates was invented by Euripides during a drinking game and storytelling contest in ancient Greece. It has nothing to do with what modern “story tellers” have made it out to be.

I know you want to believe that there is someone out there for you and I also believe that, but. Relationships are hard work, there is not one perfect person just for you.

You will have more than one choice and none of them will be absolutely perfect. We are human after all and to think that someone exists just for us is a bit egotistical. They are individuals just like us and flawed just like us. People are human and you must learn to accept a lovers shortcomings. Relationships are never perfect. But they can be good.

It is possible to find a good match in a life partner, but you must be willing to expect less than perfection. Love is about caring enough to be with a person when they are their worst as well as their best.

Now that being said, I do believe in love and am in a very happy relationship myself. He is as close to perfect for me as I have ever experienced and I am lucky to be with him, but he is human as am I and equally flawed. However, I love him for his flaws as well.

What I am trying to say is that you have choices in life. If you let go of your power to make your own choices and wait for fate to intervene, then you will not have as happy a life. Make a choice to date a bit to decide what will make you happy in a relationship and you will have a better chance of finding the right love for you.

A love that lasts a lifetime is a difficult thing to find. Sometimes we have many lovers in our lives. We go through this in order to grow and learn more about the dynamics of relationships.

So when someone asks in a free psychic reading “when will I met my soul-mate”.
I find myself slightly annoyed at the individual who started this whole idea, which has not done anyone any favors.
Psychics can help you find a good love. But It is not a good idea to expect fate to bring you perfection…

My suggestion is to try not to get involved right away just because you have instant passion. Then you will find your true life mate as a friend first.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with instant chemistry. Just that I have seen time and again, people who decided from the beginning, that strong chemistry right off the bat meant that this one was “the one”, only to be disappointing because there were traits within the relationship that didn’t mesh over the long run and caused the relationship to dissolve.

The true life loves I have seen that worked, where the ones who learned to grow together over time, stick out the rough times together and had a close bond of friendship over passion. Relationships are WORK!

They take nurturing and patience.


Soulties & Soulmates and why they sometimes change

I was wondering if my relationship with my oldest child’s father is consider a soul tie or if I am hold on to nothing.

I get a LOT of questions about soul ties/ soul mates in my free psychic question/ free psychic reading mail. this is a very misunderstood concept. I hope my answer below can clarify these connections we have in our lives.
We have many soul ties in out life. Sometimes there are in our lives only for a short while so we and they can grow in some way. It can be painful, but there were there for a reason. The trick is learning when to move on, even though it is difficult to let go..
This way we can make room in our lives for the next soul tie who also will be there for a reason.
We do not always have just one partner of love in our lives. as much as we would like it to be that way, it is rarely the case. Some last longer than others, some last a lifetime. But they also pass on be it in body, or just in terms of their physical presence in our lives for a time period that is less than we would like it to be.
We are on this earth to grow , evolve and adapt. It can be painful, but it is a part of the process that our souls need to go through to reach a higher awareness.
so the answer to your question is that it is time to let go of him and yes it is painful but prepare yourself to move on to the next love. Yes, I know it is scary and yes there will be another one. Change can be very frightening as well as the unknown element of what the future will bring and the fear of being alone. But if you embrace change, face your fear ( and yes , you will still be afraid, for awhile) Then you will be able to move on much more quickly and easily and love will come into your life sooner than expected.


How do I get him to commit to me?

Many guys are going to balk at the first sign of your needing a commitment. Particularly if you push him for one. This puts a lot of women in a difficult position. What to do when you really want one ?

Well first of all he is going to see you as more desirable if you are not so easy for him to have. He must work for it. He WANTS to have to work for it. He needs the excitement of a chase.

But how do you get him to the point where he wants to work for it?

Through his emotions. You start by making him feel special. You find things that flatter him, things that you actually like about him. That’s right girls, the way to a mans heart is through his ego. If you let him know what is special about him without actually pursuing him, he will want to spend more time with you.

But here is the thing, you must never actually pursue him. Nope never initiate texts or phone calls, let him call you. If you have made him feel special in a way that he believes you alone can understand, then he will want to spend more time with you.
If you have built a relationship with him in which he spends time with you, then he already enjoys the friendship he feels for you. That is how a guy bonds. Many women think it is the sex that bonds a man to a woman. Actually it is often the other way around. A man may really like the sex he has with you, but if he does not enjoy your company, he can have sex with you and still not be even slightly interested in a commitment.

A guy will commit when he is a bit uncomfortable about there being competition for your attention and he really wants your attention because you make him feel special. Because you “get” him. However, getting him also means giving him his space when he needs it.

It is also helpful not be so easy for him to be with WHENEVER he wants. You need to leave a little mystery. Do not answer or respond to his calls and messages right away. Have a few times when you cannot meet with him and do not explain why. Just as it drives you crazy when he does this. It will also eventually cause him to want to spend more time with you as well, IF you have made him feel like you are the only one who understands just how really special he is.

Let him wonder and work for your attention. He needs that rush that comes from having to win you over. If you make it too easy for him you will deny him this.
When a guy does not want to commit, simply say “OK, well then I need to get on with my life, so I need to date other guys.” Do not try to convince him why he needs to be with you. Just let go and allow him to have the time to miss you are feel what life is like without you.

This may be the hardest thing you ever do, but if he is really in love with you, he will come rushing back so as not to loose you. He will also respect you for not being a pushover. Regardless of what you may think, he really doesn’t want a girl who is there at his every whim, who does everything to please him all the time. He will actually respect a girl who takes care of herself first.

Why? You ask. Because, biologically, a woman who takes care of herself will be able to take better care of his children. Most guys do not know this consciously but they will almost always react in the same way towards a girl who appears to be just a bit self sufficient and takes care of her needs first. He will show less respect to a girl who will do anything for him without receiving from him first. The “pushover” girl will not take care of his children as well. He may not consciously think this, but his instincts will react in this way.

So when he does not give you the commitment you want, go out and look out for your own best interest without him. The guy who comes chasing after you, is the one who will respect you in the long run. The guy you keep chasing after is the one you will most likely loose in the long run.
So girls, when it comes to having a solid relationship, think about what is best for you before you try to do what you feel is best for him. As strange as it sounds, the girl he has to chase and work for, is the one who will win his attention. It is simply the way nature made him.


Should I wait for him or should I move on?

Here is another one I get often in my free Psychic Reading Questions.

Q. I don’t know if this guy has feelings for me. Should I keep waiting for him or move on..

A.If you want him to move faster, don’t be as available to him. Make it appear that you might be dating others.

Waiting for him is counterproductive. If you wait, why should he rush to try to win you back?
He may care for you, but if he is not moving to be exclusive with you, then he is taking you for granted and wants to keep his options open to date other girls.
You want to win him, beat him to the punch… Don’t be so available to him, make him schedule to see you… Make him work for your attention..
When he asks you if you are dating others, let him know that you don’t know if he has feelings for you….. So you chose to keep your options open…..
This will change his attitude towards you and make you more interesting to him…..Guys naturally like what they have to chase, what they have to earn…

Otherwise you are just easy sex….

Of course a psychic reading can help you determine the status of his feelings for you…


My relationships start out well, but something always goes wrong

My relationships start out well, but something always goes wrong

I get a lot of ” things started off so well then went wrong” questions in my free psychic reading email. Here is a brief explanation of why this happens due to the stages in relationships.

My question has to do with relationship. I have not been completely happy with any of my relationships. Every guy that I do meet starts off well then comes the disconnect. Currently I am in a relationship, part of me feel like he needs to get himself together and he may not be really into me as much. Because of this I tend to loose interest and feel like it is a waste of time. What do you see for me in the relationship department and who is the man I will eventually marry?

All relationships go through stages. We cannot be totally in love all the time as it is natural at some point, to wonder if this is the person you want to be with forever.
When a relationship goes from the infatuation stage, to the questioning if you want to be with the person forever, stage and makes it through that , then it goes into the power struggle stage.
How you handle the power struggle stage will determine whether the relationship lasts or not.
So in short, your future love life depends on how you use your free will to deal with the “bumps” when they arise.
This one is not set in stone . For many, many people their life lesson is directly
tied to how you handle the conflict that arises when love turns into difficulty and how
to maneuver this stage in ANY relationship.


We were so close for three months, now he pulls away

Relationships develop in stages. In the first three months you are in the infatuation stage, or the honeymoon stage when everything looks rosy and you both are focusing on the good things about each other.

After about three months you both may notice those little things that may be questionable or annoying about each other. This is when some decide if you want to continue on with this relationship or not.

I find that most romantic relationships tend to face some change every three months. This is when a new cycle starts and an old one ends.
The cycles in relationships run like this

The cycles in relationships run like this.

First three months, the infatuation phase, the honeymoon period. You are all gaga over each other. You see each other through rose colored glasses and all those things you will eventually find annoying about your partner, you just find cute.
This is the lovey, cuddly stage. The relationship is too new for you to really know any of the negatives about this person and everything is so great you don’t see how things could ever go wrong.

The next three months, can be either the reality check where breakups often happen, or a time when the cuddly phase continues as you also find more common ground for compatibility between the two of you.

Then you hit what some call the six month bump. This is when relationships start to have “issues” This is when the first minor arguments start.
If the relationship is not based on solid compatibility then this is when most relationships end.

This is the time when you decide if you really want to stay in this or not. When you start to see the negatives in each other and decide if you can live with them. If however, you both have good communication with each other, the the reality check of the six month period can actually be a good thing. You will learn to accept each other in a more realistic way and learn how to communicate with your partner when conflict inevitably arises. You will also use this time to set your personal boundaries and learn those of your partner.

How things are handles in this six month period can determine how you two relate to each other and deal with conflicts through the rest of the relationship. This is a make or break period. Just as the first three months can be a point of breaking up or continuing, the six month period is the reality check time in the relationship and how it is handled will determine if your relationship has staying power or not.

Learning to communicate using a calm tone of voice and without belittling your partner is advised here. If you find that your once luvy dovey lover is now referring to you in a negative way, or using an uncomfortable tone of voice with you, you may want to reconsider the relationship as this is the time when that sort behavior starts to raise it’s ugly head. Chances are that if that is the way your partner speaks to you in this phase of the relationship, that is the way you will be spoken to during the length of the relationship.
this behavior is rarely broken and screaming at your partner will not change it.

Conversely, if your partner shows good problem solving skills during this part of the relationship, in which the tone of the conversation is maintained at a level that is meant to be diplomatic, you just might have a keeper. Better yet, if you are able to manage conflict in a rational, calm and fair manner yourself,you just might be a keeper as well:)


I told him I was giving him some space until he is ready to commit

When you communicate do not ask him if he is ready to commit. Do not mention the relationship at all. simply make small talk about what he is doing in his life and what you are doing in yours, accomplishments at work etc.

He needs to feel safe in communication with you and not guilty nor feel any pressure. This way he will remember how comfortable it was to talk to you and he will start to miss you.
From there, do not expect him to request to see you, this will take time.
You must actually put yourself in the mindset that you will move on and start dating in a couple of months. The logic behind this is that if he senses that you are moving on and that he might loose you for good, he will have to be ready to commit to get you back.

If he does not and trued to make thinsg the “whay they were” without a commitment, state your case clearly and refuse to become intimate with him, walk away until he does commit.

You must not seem needy or desperate in any way. He will love you when he feels that he has to pursue you.

ofetn, men pulled back when the dynamic of the relationship is that you appear to be pursuing him. No matter how subtle, it was there and that is what usualy creates the pull back on his part.

Now he must envision that you will meet men who find you attractive, even though this will be difficult for you, if you want him back you must gear up to play the part.
While you are away from him you might want to do some on line dating even though your heart may not be into it. This is because you MUST keep yourself busy and find your self worth, that other men do in fact find you attractive and project that to him when you speak.

If he was ever serious about you, he is still going to talk to you, even if you start to date, probably more. (unless he is a mamas boy, then he will jst run abck to mom)
It is the though that you will move on and value yourself enough that you will not keep waiting for him forever that will spur his decision to commit to you.

It generally takes three to five months before he comes back, if you play it right. but you must not call, text or email him first. He MUST be the one to make initial contact every time. This can be maddening, but it must be for this to work.
The dynamic of this relationship must change and you have made the right moves to change it so far.

There is a lot of hope here, but you must play the part if you are to win this game.
I have gone through these things with many women and I have a really good track record of success. you CAN have this guy back!!!!! But you must stick to your guns.
It is going to be painful but if you are firm in your resolve, you stand a very good chance of winning him back and with a solid commitment.

He needs time to miss you, to realize that he could loose you ,to see that you value yourself enough to feel you deserve to be treated with respect. He needs to respect you and he will, after he has distanced himself and realized that he really misses you…

He needs to live with the thought that you will be with another man if he does not step up. He occasionally needs to be reminded of the good times when you talk ( he will contact you when he really misses you) and how pleasant it is to talk to you.
He needs time to suffer without you.
That is what it will take for him to come back to you.
The hard part is not doing anything and that is what I am going to suggest until he contacts you. Then be pleasant, display humor and warmth about the past and remind him of the good times. Then let him know about your NEW social life without mentioning dates unless he asks.
Talk about the things you are doing to keep busy. Do not talk about dating right away, just that you have been having fun. Give it about two months before you talk to him about dating and be prepared to hear hs dating stories as well. He will call your bluff, but if he were ever to commit to you he will. If he has not within five months, he never intended to and never will.