Question
My ex boyfriend recently made contact with me after being apart for almost two years, he contacted me because he heard I had lost my job.
I had no feelings but friendship for him at first and now all those old feelings are coming back.
He says he only wants to be friends but I can swear he feels more for me than friendship.
He says he knows he treated me badly in the past and messed up and it was his loss.
Here is an opportunity for me to get back together and start afresh and put the past behind us but he seems reluctant – why
Answer
He has missed you but needs to feel like he has to chase you. If you try to move too fast he will pull away. This is just the way he is. You do
have the opportunity to have him back but you must allow things to move slowly and you cannot appear to be the one to pursue him. He does miss you and regrets that past but his nature is to be the pursuer and that will develop slowly, over time.
In the mean time, you are free to date whomever you want as this may expedite his feelings of needing to pursue you.
He is interested, but you must change the dynamic from the past for this to work out. HE likes the friendship and that si a good place to start but you must let go of the past and start over as friends without trying to take control of the relationship. The more you do so the more he will resist.
He needs to be the one who initiates thing moving into more of a romantic nature. When you try to do so it disrupts the masculine/feminine balance by making you the masculine party. This is never going to work for a man. Allow him to spend time with you as he wishes, but do not try to push things, do not try to control things, allow him to enjoy your company. The biggest mistake women make in these situations is to want to DO something to ensure that they will get the desired results. In DOING they often sabotage the situation without even knowing that is what they are doing. Look at it this way, you are feminine, that means you receive. HE is masculine, that means he takes control. When you try to take control you take the masculine role and it is a turn off to him.
If you want him back, do nothing but be your sweet self when you are together and allow him to take the lead. This way he can feel comfortable and safe being in the masculine role and allowing himself to reconnect with you at his own pace.
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